A Different Kind of Pain

This is a difficult writing. It's difficult on two levels, one is that it is most personal and the second because many don't understand or want to. But I believe it's an experience that needs to be talked about. Maybe those who suffer alone in silence will understand that they are not alone. And maybe someone will try a little harder to understand when it happens to people they know and love.

I recently passed through a period of depression. It’s interesting how I knew I was slipping away, and how I knew the cures, and how I was still helpless. Depression is an interesting mood that can be caused by many factors. It can hit hard and sudden, or creep up on you slowly and gradually. The most amazing thing is the way it can be hidden from the rest of the world. It's also something that some Christians will say can't possibly affect a true Christian.

It’s common to hide the fact that we are depressed, for various reasons. Yet there is a part of us that cries out for someone to notice and help us. I can’t say where the “cure” came from this time. It may have been from friends who prayed for me, or it may have been strictly from God taking me through a trial I needed to experience in my present frame of mind.

I've been told I do well at problem solving, but when it's you, it's a different ballgame. I like to find causes to problems, and with depression, sometimes there may be nothing specific, or such a combination that no one thing will help. Sometimes it’s things outside our control. Without a cause, I can’t begin to tackle the problem, like an auto mechanic trying to fix a car without the slightest idea what’s wrong or the ability to turn on the engine to figure it out. I am fortunate to know the depth of my own depression and the things that will help me through it. Unfortunately, depression brings a debilitating state that doesn’t allow one to take the necessary steps sometimes. I recall recent instances of crying out to others as we do when we can’t be straightforward about it, and how no one heard. And I am so grateful to be able to recognize the signs that the depression has finally passed. For me it’s often the ability to do a normal day-to-day task that I hadn't been able to do for some time.

My conclusion from this recent experience is that it takes more than God, and I don’t mean that in a sacrilegious way, only in that it takes human contact to get better from depression. We are appalled at the thought of an infant not having the love and touching of a mother, but depression is handled from a distance. It doesn't need to the close physical contact of a parent. David was summoned for King Saul’s depressive states with his music. For myself, it’s not a matter of masking the depression with drugs, though that may not be a choice for some people. The cure is working through it and learning to rely on others. People who will pray intercessory prayers when my own aren't being answered, and yes, I prayed and prayed.

Success for the victim is dependent on recognizing the pain early enough and having the support we need when we need it. Success is dependent on having others who recognize that something isn't right, on others who can be honest with us, on others who care enough to pray for us, all while the problem is being disguised.

Thank you Lord, for giving me friends to do that. Thank you for allowing me to re-find them when I needed to. Help me to notice when others are in the pain and to help them humanly and spiritually. Give me wisdom to know when I can help, and when only You can mend things. Help me share this so others know and try to understand without judging those in pain. Heal those suffering with depression today. If even for only a day they feel hope again, be gracious to them.