Ending Friendships

Years ago I had a friend who drank too much. She would always call me later in the day when her husband worked (he drove truck second shift). Well, by the time she called, she’d had a few too many drinks and it was a laborious conversation for me. Yet for some reason our friendship remained in tact. We had many conversations about God and why our attitudes on life were so different, yet she was never ready to take the one step she needed to.

Eventually I moved on (literally moved out of the area). Our phone conversations became less and less frequent, and I didn’t mind. I eventually stopped calling. Then one day out of the blue, she called me. I was on another line and promised to call her back, but I would either forget or dread the call so much that I’d postpone it. She had said something about being sick, but she tended to over-react to everything, in part because she was in such a miserable marriage.

I finally thought about calling her when I had the time and was in the right mood. It had been over a year, and it would be fun to surprise her. (Mind you my change in attitude was from deep inside…beyond my control.) Anyway, her husband answered the phone and in my teasing way made him guess who was calling, since we hadn’t talked in years. He was extremely somber; then told me that he really couldn’t guess; he was burying his wife that day.

Needless to say, my embarrassment and awkwardness seemed to last forever. The rest of the day, all I could think about was her last call to me. She had reached out and I was too busy. Where was she now that she’d left this world? Could I have made a difference? Was talking to a drunk really so bad in the light of eternity?

Now I know that she may have turned her life around and leaned on God. But I don’t know that she did. And even if she had and needed reassurance, I wasn’t there to give it. Nor was I there to comfort her in her last days. Instead I selfishly told myself that I didn’t need to hang out with alcoholics who were obnoxious when they drank. I learned that I never know that moment in a person’s life when they finally need someone and need to learn to trust God. I learned that 15 years of listening to stupid stories and someone’s self-induced problems didn’t compare to not knowing how she left this world.

So, when someone closes the door on me in our relationship, I can accept that. But I can’t close any doors that God doesn’t close, because I never know….