Conflict Resolution

Matthew 18 has been a topic of discussion lately for me. It’s the part of scripture that tells us how to resolve differences or gripes we might have with other people. We either hate it because we hate confrontation, or we love it, trying to justify every petty thing we perceive someone does to us in our lives. I’ve seen both extremes of this practiced in churches.

This time though, I went beyond Matthew in my reading, and got some new insight into this type of internal strife that can destroy relationships and entire organizations.

First, I looked at examples of quarrels in the Bible, and read how they handled conflict resolution. First were Lot and Abram when their servants started fighting over land because they’d become so wealthy. Then there was Isaac & the Philistines when water was a little scarce because Isaac had become so wealthy and had too much livestock. (Do I hear “jealousy”?) Joseph even gave his brothers a warning not to get caught up in bickering when Pharaoh sent them to bring back their families. (As long as they’d been apart, he still knew the dynamics of that family!)

I read about the Children of Israel and their beef with Moses in Exodus, and that they were frustrated with other things and God, but took it out on Moses. (Hmm, have I ever misdirected anger?) Exodus goes further to give us laws about making restitution when we wrong someone. (Unintentionally, of course.)

I looked at the story of Naaman (the leper) with new eyes. The king was upset that Naaman came for healing, when who Naaman really needed to see was Elisha. (Wow, miscommunication, assumptions, overreactions…sound familiar?)

When I looked in the New Testament, I found general advice (besides Matthew 18) about this subject. James 4 tells us where this stuff comes from (deep inside our carnal nature.) And Colossians 3 has great advice about how to move forward with forgiveness.

What am I trying to say? In a nutshell, when we are offended or upset with someone, first look at our own hearts and see what might be causing that emotion. If it really is us, maybe God is trying to tell us to clean up a part of ourselves. If someone is truly doing something wrong, look at it from the perspective of the Body of Christ, and how God will be glorified in it. And always ask yourself how you would feel if someone were coming to you with the same issue.