Supporting Others

Watching my family over the past months has been a learning process, one that leads me to share with others. When tragedy hits someone, many lives are affected. As everyone struggles with all the questions and emotions, tension can grow among those who would ordinarily be leaning on each other.

Those outside the immediate circle don’t know what to do or to say, so they do and say nothing. Please, reach out to everyone in the family. Give them the opportunity to share with someone who is not emotionally attached to the situation. Let them know that though you may not understand what they are feeling or experiencing, that you care about them. Doing nothing can hurt more than accidentally saying the wrong thing.

I’ve had two nieces struggle with serious health issues over the past few months. There were similarities and differences in how the two families reacted. I’d encourage you to read what one mom wrote about her twelve year old. It might help you understand how you can reach out to people in your life.

And if you think about it, pray for Zoe and for Lydia as they continue their lives with illnesses that will affect them the rest of their lives. And pray for their families. Telling people to lean on God is easy, but doing it when going through a trial can be a different story. They need your support.

(Thanks, Janet, for sharing what you are going through...hopefully it will help others.)

Just Thinkin'...

You know how your mind wanders sometimes and you wonder how in the world you got there? Well, I had one of those moments today. Somehow I was remembering back to middle school age where I learned the great art of debate. We had to draw two slips of paper, one was the topic, and then when the topics were paired up, we had to figure out if we had the pro or con. I was pro-abortion.

Now you have to keep in mind that abortion wasn’t legal when I was this age, but it was a hot topic in current events. You also have to know that I was in a parochial school, so the concept of pro-abortion was as foreign to me as anything could possibly be.

[I need to digress here, since my mind did the same thing at the time. The only thing I knew for sure about abortion was my grandfather’s reaction to the topic. I was with them alone this one particular evening when the news came on. I never knew my grandfather even had a Bible so close to his chair, to say nothing about where he had it hid, but quick as a wink, he was on his feet with that Bible in his hands, ranting and raving around the living room about what an abomination the country was coming to talking about such things. (I must come by my passion naturally!)]

Back to the debate. I won that argument (and never participating in another debate). I learned that whether you believe in something or not, you can argue it and influence others. Any potential career in law faded in my eyes, as I realized it wasn’t the law, but the giftedness of the presenter that won.

But today I thought about that class. Did my adolescent arguments impact any of my classmates? I hoped not. (I assume others have vivid memories of their earlier years and have been influenced by them.) And where did all this back-flashing come from? Then I realized that someone from class that day needed prayer, and that even if I didn’t know who or why, I lifted them all up to God. I don’t know who of those people I’ll see in heaven…but I know at least one of them needed prayer today.

I have to reflect on how God lays people on my heart sometimes. Sometimes it’s just sitting around thinkin’….

The Tapestry of Our Lives

We all have a different image of God, and mine is him sitting at a loom, weaving the giant tapestry of our lives together. The back side, which is what we see, is a mess of colors and knots. But His side is the most awesome picture.

Tapestries are typically very large, sometimes done in pieces and hung together. Though you can get a rough idea of what the front looks like from the backside, it’s never nearly as wondrous as the finished front.

Anyway, that’s what I see happening in my family these days…lives being woven together as only God can weave. As many of you have been praying since late last year, the family is dealing with a behavioral disorder that it is impacting. But the way God is working in each and every person is like the weaving of a tapestry. And this is only the beginning of the adventure (“adventure” sounds much more exciting than “trial”)…

1. Though months and months of prayer went into Lydia, it is clear now that it was God’s timing on when the treatment began. Earlier, the immediate family would have been without a pastor for the spiritual support they need through the crisis. Later could have been too late for Lydia. The prayer prepared the way for today.

2. Health issues that should exist are not there, I believe this is by the grace of God in answering our prayers all these months. Though things are not going as well as everyone would like physically, its clear God has protected Lydia from more serious, permanent physical harm.

3. And God takes care of us in every aspect, or I don’t believe she would have the positive attitude that she has. The staff at the facility is amazed at how much she wants to work with them and get better, quite the contrary from the average resident they have.

4. Family members are coming together, not without a few bumps in the road though. In the end, I believe relationships will be healed and the family will be stronger than ever. I feel sad that one person has to pay such a high price for all this healing, but I can’t think of anyone else God could have used better than our sweet spirited Lydia.

5. I believe we’re going to see a stronger marriage come out of this, and ultimately a stronger, Godlier family. And what better way to glorify God than to build strong marriages and families in today’s world!

6. There are lots of lessons to be learned, and one by people are learning them. A new level of faith is being developed in some of the younger family members. A new level of compassion is coming out of others. Resetting of priorities is always a good thing for each of us. And communication has taken on new depth.

Thank you everyone who has been praying, and please continue. There are continued health concerns, financial issues, and decisions to be made over the weeks and months ahead. Things are progressing slowly in the physical realm. But I am humbled with gratitude for the spiritual and emotional testimonies coming in these few first weeks.

Knowing a Murderer

It's an interesting feeling when you find out you know a possible murderer. I found out today that a kid I grew up with was arrested for murdering a young woman ten years ago. As I try to sort through my own emotions, I can't help but think about how his family (he was living with his parents) must be dealing with life today.

Television was always "pretend" in my life, but as I get older, TV becomes more real for me. As a volunteer sexual assault advocate, I'm privy to "CSI" exams. Today's news makes all those Cold Case shows take on a new perspective. No wonder I watch less and less of the tube.

This week has been an emotional one for my family and our own little crisis. Watching everyone deal with things in their own way makes my heart ache for those involved with this murder. From the victim's family to the suspect's family, to the people they both worked with...how much more intense must their emotions be! And how could the suspect live for ten years with this on his conscience! Yep, it's going to take a whole lot of sorting for me....

Friends

I had an interesting conversation yesterday with someone who was crushed that their best friend didn’t seem to be interested in what was going on in their life at the moment. (The person was in the midst of an emotional crisis.) That led to a conversation about how the pastor of their church didn’t seem interested either, though this was big enough that it was impacting the extended family.

The Daily Bread today had a devotional about friends and my mind wandered back to yesterday’s conversation. I thought about times I wished my friends had been calling. I thought of the solitude I felt, and imagined how this person felt. And I recalled the sadness when your spiritual leader doesn’t seem to care either.

But more than that, I thought about the churches today. Pastors don’t seem to have time or the inclination to visit the sick or new members like they did in the past. (I'm not saying that was the best use of pastorl time.) I struggle with the balance that’s needed in this area. Some churches, which can afford it, have someone on staff doing visitation, or they have a volunteer team.

Then I thought about Christ and how much time he spent “visiting.” I couldn’t think of a lot of examples. He even took his time when Mary & Martha had sent an urgent plea out to him on behalf of their brother. Then I thought about what Jesus was doing that made him too busy for “visitation.” He was winning lost souls.

Sometimes I think our pastors are forced to spend all of their time doing the work of maintaining a church building and overseeing the running of all the programs, leaving them without enough time to do the work they were called to…reaching lost people, and helping others grow in their faith so they in turn can do God’s work. And I wonder if we would be so hurt when we don’t hear from our pastors during a crisis time, if we knew they were ministering to other people, or sharing Christ with the lost.

And I wonder where I fall in the grand scheme of things when it comes to friendship and ministering to others in my church. It’s no wonder people spend so much time on Twitter, or on Facebook, or MySpace. And I wonder, what kind of friend am I?